These days, I keep replaying certain scenes from Hunter x Hunter that tries to lift my spirits.
What am I doing? Did I do what I wanted to do? What do I want to do? What do I want? I can’t really answer any of these questions, hence it’s time to imagine what my favorite character of all time would do.
Killua Zoldyck was born into an assassin’s family, whose name struck fear and awe down the folks’ backs. His family owns a whole mountain and a fortress-like estate on top. They get paid handsomely for doing what they do best – kill people – and nothing else. Each of the older family members either carry out assignments or assist another doing so without fuss. They’re specialized in arts of nen, particularly as manipulators and transmuters (nen categories) well suited for their profession. All Killua had to do was follow the golden path towards becoming an elite assassin. He was a family favorite for his natural talent and position to take over the family business. Yet, he rejects this path to venture into the world. He doesn’t want his life planned out for him, and even harms his own mother to get out of his estate. When he left with the grudging nod from his father, his father still believed he would return to carry out what he was meant to do. As much as Killua rejects it, his instincts, intuition, and values were all derived from his assassin background. Thus, his natural development throughout the story was about reconciling these elements of his character while embracing that of the protagonist who he calls a light that shines so brightly he has to look away. He is self-assured of his abilities yet insecure of his worth, so he clings his life purpose to be besides his friend (protagonist) in times of need. It’s not until the final (anime) arc that he finds a new life purpose to kick off, one that would lead to self-actualization rather than a one-sided seeking of validation. His journey is truly fascinating, and one I seek to emulate in the real world. That’s infinitely easier to analyze than to emulate.
For now, I’m still stuck in the stage where he is unsure of what he wants to do, and this scene captures what I feel perfectly!